Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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