i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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