Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
