Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
