its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
