my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
