We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
