4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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