What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
