I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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