My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
