I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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