Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He passed out mid-signature
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
