I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
