I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
