im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
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