Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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