If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just invented taco cereal.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
