I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
