New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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