i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
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Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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