I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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