i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Randomize
