I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
