do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
