Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
