He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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