I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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