I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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