I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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