Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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