You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
