She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
