peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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