Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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