I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
