They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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