So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
