Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed