there was a trapeze. enough said
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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