saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.