I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I vomited out my contact lenses last night