It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.