At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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