Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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