I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
