We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
