I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
