I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
