This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
