I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
