you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You have to summon your inner elephant
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
