We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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