i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
