eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
