i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
