dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
