Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
