remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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