Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
