Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
