Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
