Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize