It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
