If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
