she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
