Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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