I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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