Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
