your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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