I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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