I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
