you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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