I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
