That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
