The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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