The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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