so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
