I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
